Dancing with Butterflies

Not long ago, I wrote about facing fears. I confessed my largest fear, based on my past experience, was of losing another child. Little did I know, when writing that post, I would be facing that fear in a very literal way.

Only a week after writing about my fears, Magoo had an appointment with his Ophthalmologist. He’d complained sporadically of headaches over the last month and I had assumed it was due to his vision. I was wrong. Following a thorough exam, and slight prescription change, I was encouraged to consult his pediatrician.  As his headaches were sometimes accompanied with nausea, I was encouraged to do it soon.

The day after his eye exam we were scheduled to leave for our vacation. Magoo awoke with a headache and eyes still dilated. We delayed leaving for a visit to the doctor. After reviewing family history, and hearing Magoo tell an amusing tale of how he once bumped his head trying to do a flip on a swing, the doctor wanted to schedule an MRI.

I wasn’t surprised. In fact I had really expected it. Magoo had past experiences of slurred speech and imbalance that caused a doctor to suggest an MRI. Had there not been a question of family history, the scan would not have been suggested, so we waited and were thankful that he seemed to outgrow the concerns.

This time, it was different. He had no known injury outside of the standard antics of a busy little boy. There’s no family history of migraines. The MRI was just to rule out….. I had peace.

Cleared to leave for vacation, I purposely tried not to think about the scan. Outside of an occasional complaint of a headache, I didn’t have to think about it. We were on vacation. We were busy. I would not allow my thoughts to disrupt peace.

We returned from vacation on a Monday, and the MRI was scheduled for Friday. We were back in routine. We saw friends. I didn’t mention Magoo’s appointment. I didn’t want the looks of concern. I didn’t want to discuss the “what if’s” and stir up worry. I wanted to hear words of comfort that I knew could only come for God. I wanted to cling to the Giver of peace!

Each morning I began my day searching His word. Seeking encouragement. Seeking comfort.

One bright morning my attention was to drawn to the back of my yard. Our dog, Rosie, was swaying,  pouncing and spinning in circles.

The birds were chirping in the warming sky and Rosie continued to bounce around in a small area. She paused occasionally and sat very still and alert, scanning the ground, only to break out in her pattern of activity after a few minutes.

Finally, I noticed a butterfly above her that was casting a shadow on the ground. I laughed at her silliness and went back to my reading.

The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 5b-7

Throughout the day and for several days since, Rosie has returned to the same corner of the yard and sits with excited expectation. Each time, I have marveled to see a butterfly come and cast it’s shadow as it flutters above her. Rosie bounces and spins with clear delight.

Once the butterfly came by the porch where I was sitting. As it delicately fluttered and swayed through the gentle breeze, I felt a new awe in the beauty of God’s amazing creation.

Magoo went to his appointment without concern. I had told him the machine was very large and made a lot of noise. He didn’t care. He happily put in the ear plugs he was offered, and allowed his head to be locked to the table. He held my hand for a while and tried to remain still. As the clicks and clacks and rat-a-tat-tats of the machine blared in complete randomness, I noticed Magoo tapping his foot. With each change of the clanking noise, the rhythm of his tapping changed to match.

The Lord is near…..the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

It was several days before we received the results of Magoo’s scan. I didn’t mind. I had peace. I was not surprised to know the scan was considered standard when compared to the average little boy.

I am often left wondering when I consider the unique path through life I walk. I often feel blessed by the people and experiences that God places in my life, and at other times I feel confused. I am beginning to learn, that all around me there is a unique rhythm. I just need to listen carefully, relax, and dance.